Chapter 9 What We Never Said

Nathan's POV

I arrived at the office a little before my shift because I had some papers to go through, particularly the details with regards to Jane's case. I wanted to go through it alone to ensure my head was going to be in the right place when I eventually saw her... Emily, that is.

I was sure that she would remember me, and that we would have to have some sort of conversation about the past, but I wanted the majority of what we discussed to be medical, and for that, I needed to be professional. Allowing my emotions to interfere with an appointment wasn't something I'd ever done before, and I certainly didn't want to start now.

But as I walked through the door, I quickly found I wasn't alone and the girl I'd been with only a few short hours before was standing in the waiting area, looking through some information herself.

"You're here early," I joked, trying my best to cover up my shock. "Everything okay?"

She spun her head around to look at me, shooting me something of a strained smile. It was very different to the feisty smirk she'd been giving me while she rode me hard last night.

"I thought I would just sleep here since your no sleep over policy left me out on the streets at 2 a.m." There was a joking tone to her voice, but I could tell there was a serious issue there. She'd made comments like that before, but I wasn't about to change my mind.

I had the policy because I wanted to keep everything clear between me and the women I hooked up with, and I felt that was especially important with Hannah considering we were a little more of a long-term thing. I just didn't want her to ever get the impression that I was growing feelings for her because I never wanted to lead her on.

I might have been something of a player, but I certainly wasn't a horrible guy.

"Rules are rules, Hannah; I don't make them, I just follow them." I winked at her as I made that stupid comment, before turning to walk away.

"Before you go," she called out, making my heart sink. I didn't need a serious talk right then – or ever. "I have the information here regarding your new patient, Jane Andrews. She'll be here at 8 a.m."

"Thank you," I replied stiffly, taking the information from her. Just that reminder from an outside source about Jane, just hearing the name Andrews said by someone else, hit me like a ton of bricks and my brain started to flicker back to a place it hadn't been in years.

I remembered the first time I laid eyes on Emily Andrews as a twelve-year-old boy just on the brink of getting an overwhelming rush of hormones. Puberty was on its way and my body seemed to be aware of that, so when this sweet, quiet girl, with curly, light-brown hair running down her back and bright, piercing, green eyes joined the class, I just knew that I had to talk to her. It was almost as if I was already in love, but I didn't quite understand it yet.

I was confident, even then, so I didn't find it hard to strike up a conversation with her, leading us to very quickly become friends. As we spent an increasing amount of time together, I realized I liked her for more than just her looks; I liked her because she was a cool person, too. She made me laugh, she enjoyed doing things that I wanted to do, and best of all, I felt like I could tell her anything.

Well, anything except for the fact that I had feelings for her.

By the time I realized how I felt, by the time I understood what that all meant, I was well and truly in the friend zone. We hung out together all the time as friends, and it felt incredibly strange to try and change that. I also risked losing the most important person in my life, and I didn't want to ever risk that.

So, I kept it all inside. I simply accepted that friendship was all that I would ever have and I was happy with that... At least, I thought I was. But as we grew, and my feelings got stronger, I couldn't help but notice that we seemed to touch each other more for no apparent reason and that everything we said to one another was sexually charged. At that point, I felt like if I didn't say anything, I would regret it forever.

But I didn't because I couldn't. I couldn't seem to work up the courage to do so. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to work out how to get those words out of my mouth. I drove myself damn near crazy with it.

The worst part about it was that I knew she wanted me, too... That was the bit that drove me to distraction. Because I'd become more aware of it, I could see it in her eyes, in the way that she spoke to me, and that made it even more frustrating. Why couldn't I just do it? Why wouldn't she do it? Why were we so damn shy?

That was why the moment she left, I completely changed my attitude towards women. I wouldn't wait around anymore, not ever, and I wouldn't allow my feelings to run too deep, either. I knew how much both of those things could crush a person, so I wouldn't do it again. One-time hook-ups, friends-with-benefits, that was where I could cope best and that was what I intended to stick with.

As I thought about the past, my eyes flickered up towards the clock, and I suddenly spotted that it was 7:45 a.m., only fifteen minutes before Jane would be coming into my office, and I hadn't looked at anything yet.