Chapter 10 Echoes of Her

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, instantly making my way to the bathroom. I needed to get my head out of the past and into the present if I was going to survive this. I couldn't go in there with nostalgia dripping off me. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for a few seconds before splashing some ice-cold water on my face to try and shake myself from my thoughts.

Knock, knock.

I can't even get a damn moment to myself to pull myself together! What the hell was this?

"Yes?" I called out sharply, not at all in the mood for anyone.

"Are you okay?" came the uneasy reply from Hannah. "It's almost time for your first patient."

Fuck, she's here already... I need to sort myself out and damn quickly, too.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied a little too rapidly. "I'll be out in a moment."

"Well, Mrs. Andrews is here already, so I'll check her vitals and put her in room one for you. Shall I leave her file there, too?"

"Yes, please," I called out, actually feeling a little bit of gratitude towards Hannah. It wasn't her fault I was in this mess; I probably shouldn't have been taking it out on her. "Thank you; I appreciate it."

As I walked into the examination room to face my fear, my heart was still rapidly bouncing about in my chest. I had managed to steel myself a little bit, but while Jane's reaction to me was still a massive unknown, I couldn't turn all my emotions off.

"Hello there, Mrs. Andrews," I smiled brightly at her. "It's nice to see you today..." I picked up the chart, trying to bury my face in it for a second, hoping that she wouldn't recognize me, but of course, she did. How could she not, when I'd been such a huge part of her daughter's life?

"Oh, Doctor Grant... I never thought that it would be you!" she exclaimed in shock. "The name didn't even register. How are you, Nate? Wow, I can't believe that you're all grown up now and saving people's lives."

"I'm okay, thanks," I told her as my face flushed brightly. This attention was a little too much, especially since I had no idea what to say to her. "And, how are you doing?"

"Well obviously, not great, or I wouldn't be here!" As she joked about a very serious disease, I found my heart fluttering with the memory of what things were like before. She was always that way, making light of the things we found terrible, and in a way, it was nice to see she hadn't changed one bit.

"Well, of course," I blushed once more. "It's nice to see you, too, but I wish it was under better circumstances."

"I'm just glad to have found a doctor that doesn't charge the Earth for treatment," she told me with a seriousness to her tone. "This whole cancer thing was starting to become something of a financial nightmare."

There it was again, the one thing I hated about working in the medical industry: the extortionate costs of simply staying alive. It didn't seem fair at all to me.

"Life is worth more than money," I replied, giving her a reassuring smile. "Especially for someone as lovely as you."

"Ooh, you always were nice." She tapped my arm as she replied, which sent a cold bolt of shock through me.

If she thought that about me, clearly she hadn't heard the truth about what happened between me and Emily in the end. I didn't want to ask her, just in case it was something she was simply leaving in the past, but I couldn't help feeling intrigued.

To try and stop myself from saying something I knew I shouldn't, I buried my head in the chart, just to give me something else to think about, and I was quickly stunned to find out just how serious the cancer was. This wasn't some early stage stuff I was dealing with here; this was bad – and it looked like it was only going to get worse.

"Okay, so what I would like to do is run some tests, if that's okay with you? I know you've already been through a lot with your previous doctor, but I prefer to have my own evidence to work with."

"That's fine," she replied, grinning at me. "I'm like a pin cushion these days anyway, and I'm sure that's only going to get worse as time goes on."

God, the way she was taking it was utterly heartbreaking.

"You can come back Monday for us to go over the results; how does that sound?"

"Perfect. I can bring Emily along with me then; she wants to know exactly what is going on with me, so that's perfect." She sighed deeply, and I had to purse my lips to stop myself from asking the million and one questions that were threatening to spill out. "I've told her that I don't need any help, but she's insisted on moving back here, and well... You know what she's like."

I gulped down a big ball of emotion before nodding. I did know what she was like: sweet, generous, caring, stubborn when it came down to it, but always for the right reasons. She was the perfect woman, and I'd been stupid enough to throw what I had with her, what I could have had with her, away.

I was an idiot.

And now, she was moving back. What the hell was I supposed to do with that information?

"Well, I'll look forward to seeing her, too, then," I eventually said through a lump of feelings. "That will be great."