Chapter 3 3

As if I was speechless and didn't know my reaction, I turned to the window, we were leaving the

site and I saw a man, standing in the path of me and Navier, he was wearing black and holding

an umbrella, my chest pounded now.

He was smiling and just as the heavy rain poured down, his smile registered in my brain, I don't

know what to do, my head feels like it's going to explode with the amount of things I've seen and

my situation now, my husband is dead and he really is .

We quickly reached the nearest hospital, my husband was taken to the morgue, I left Sheen and

ran there, the rescue team stopped me and waited for me there, I was standing outside and when

they said they had put I entered slowly, my chest was pounding hard and I couldn't believe it.

We stopped in the middle and the nurse left, I removed the blanket, I was shocked and felt like

my heart was being torn by what I saw, I couldn't recognize his face, but the body and the clothes

he was wearing were my husband.

I clutched my chest, catching my breath and knelt in front of Draven, "No, how can you do this

to me Draven. I can't believe that this is the first and last time you didn't keep your promise," I

said between sobs, I was stunned by the absence and quickly hugged the body, it was very cold,

its heartbeat was gone.

"I love you, I really do." I said and held his hand. "I can't believe this why with you?" I continued

and the door opened, Sheen held my hand and Mama was with him. Mama's eyes were puffy and

she grabbed my arm.

"Son, come on. We have to go home," Mama's voice trembled and I could see that she was sorry

for me now. I shook my head and tightened my grip on my husband's cold body.

"I can't, I want to be with Draven now Mama, I don't want to leave him now. I can't, I can't

handle it." My knees dropped, they helped me out of the morgue and carried me to a chair.

Little by little, the memories of my husband and I flashback, his promises, smiles and our happy

memories. They are all vivid in my mind and all of them are making my chest tight now.

I bite my lips, hold my hand, where is the ring that Draven gave me. "Everything is gray now,

everything that I build with him is falling apart. I can't accept everything that happened to us

today, this day supposed to be happy moments with him, but look what just happened, this day

will be the end of his life." My shoulders fell and it was up and down, my sobs finally stopped, I

was gasping for breath and the people came in to take me to the funeral home.

"You need to be strong for your family, son, your world doesn't just revolve around Draven, you

also have a son." Mama held my hand, wiped my tears while she couldn't stop crying.

"Your family and I are here to support you." I nodded and hugged Mama, I closed my eyes and

felt the speed of my heartbeat. I feel like it's the size of my lack, Draven didn't even hear that I

love him, I didn't tell him my feelings when he was alive.

It feels like I made a biggest mistake, that I didn't tell him my feelings, because I'm not really

strong, I just want to go home, go back to the day when my son was waiting for them to come

home from work and school, eat that we are and every weekend we go out, go home to the

province.

"I love him so much, I wish I said it earlier."

...

We are at home, my husband is already in the jar, we haven't beaten it yet, it hurts me more if

there are people who sympathize with us, I would rather be alone and stay in silence.

"Rest too son, I'm just going to see my grandson." Mom kissed me and went upstairs, the sun

was shining and I was holding the jar where Draven's ashes were.

"You don't know how much pain yoy brought to me, I don't know how to start without you by

my side," I said and smiled in the absence. I stood up, walked over to get some wine and lit my

cigarette.

I returned to the sofa and the telephone started ringing in the study room, I ignored it and opened

the wine.

The real hell gonna start now, everything won't end because my husband died, the series of pains

and problems in my life will start.

I leaned back on the sofa, gulped down the bottle and brought the cigarette filter to my lips,

smiling as the tears flowed unceasingly. "You said, this marriage will be the happiest day of our

lives, but why is this happening, those almost six years are just a free trial?" I asked and laughed.

"Or is this my karma, from dumping Navier and lying to him?" I blew out the smoke and took

off my jacket, sat on the floor and tried to calm down, but I felt like I was being suffocated by the

scenarios replaying in my head.

"I just want to calm down a bit!" I hissed and pulled my hair, I don't know if I can get through all

this, if I can handle it alone.

"You broke everything, I'm losing everything, everything's just hurting me, don't I have the right

to be happy?" I asked and drank the wine, finished it before throwing stones at the sliding door.

I'm falling again.

A day later, it was full of messages and Draven's attorney was leaving our house, I couldn't leave

our room, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I couldn't see anyone other than my mother and my

son.

I calm down more in the silence of the room, I don't want to stay in the place where I remember

my husband, but I can't stop thinking about him and I can't act as if everything is gone.