Chapter 10 A Sticky Shower.

Stacey's POV:

I don't even remember driving home.

I could still feel the shape of Noah's lips on mine, the press of his body, the way he made everything else disappear, even the parts of myself I had tried so hard to keep protected.

What were these feelings bubbling within?

I hurried out of the car, shivering from the sharp wind slapping my face. Unsteady, my heels reverberated across the stone walkway. After fumbling with the keys, dropping them once, and muttering obscenities, I eventually succeeded in opening the door.

At home. I hurriedly exited the vehicle and entered. I had no idea how I got home, but I did. I was having trouble breathing by the time I reached inside.

You need a hot bath. Maybe that would calm your senses and wash away what just happened.

With my hands gripping the metal meant for towels so tightly that I could feel the tremor in my arms, I leaned against the sink. I kept thinking about my reflection, which was staring back at me with red-rimmed, exhausted eyes, unkempt hair, and lips that were still a little swollen from the kiss.

I hated how I looked in that moment. I looked... alive. After everything, I looked alive. I looked happy.

I turned away.

I undressed slowly. Like every button, every zipper was another wall I had to knock down just to feel normal again. The hot water was already running, steam clouding the mirror and the entire bathroom, thickening the air like a fog I didn't ask for.

Ugh

I stepped into the shower and let the water burn.

I needed it to burn.

I stood there, unmoving, as the water poured over me, down my shoulders, over my back, clinging to my skin like memories I couldn't wash away. I slowly washed my neck, going down to my boobs. I slightly washed them, and for some reason....

That made you horny...

I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment.

Noah's face flashed behind my eyes. His voice. His warmth. His conviction when he said he liked me. As if those words weren't a grenade in my chest.

My hands slowly found my pussy, my eyes still closed as I imagined that night.

I moaned softly. Fuck yes.

I found myself catching my breath.

Moved one finger in slowly, adding another; it still felt too small compared to his dick.

More, please.

I thrusted my fingers fast back and forth while the other hand grabbed my boobs.

"Noah!"

I continued going faster and faster, feeling myself come closer and closer.

"Yes! Yes! Fuck, Noah, please don't stop!"

Before I could understand what was happening, I had already spilled out white, gluey liquid.

I leaned my forehead against the cold tile wall, my breath fogging the surface as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

After what felt like an hour, I finally turned off the tap. I stood there dripping.

Did you just... because of Noah!?

Still unable to move, until the cold crept into my bones. That's when I forced myself out. One step at a time. I wrapped a towel around myself, water still trailing down my spine and the memory of what I just did.

I walked into my room and sat slowly in front of the mirror.

The towel clung to my chest, and my hair hung heavy with water. I grabbed the blow dryer but didn't turn it on yet. I stared at myself again, only this time, not just in my eyes.

I noticed it.

A mark. Small. Faint. But there.

A hickey.

A freaking hickey!!!?

Right at the base of my neck, just below my collarbone. I inhaled sharply and turned away from the mirror, but the image was already seared into my memory. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw.

Don't think about it. Don't think about him.

But you can't stop yourself.

I remembered the way he kissed me, not with hesitation, but with hunger. Like he meant it. Like he had been holding back every inch of restraint until it cracked open and spilled over.

And his voice Oh God, that voice! I remembered his voice, the way he called my name like it was something precious. I remembered his hand, how it moved, and the heat in his touch. How fast I melted.

I hated myself for it.

But I couldn't deny it.

At that moment... I had wanted it too.

That was the part that scared me most.

It wasn't just that Noah kissed me. It was that I let him. That I kissed him back. That part of me, some buried, broken version of me, wanted more.

I turned on the blow dryer, the whir of it drowning out my thoughts for a few minutes, giving me some kind of armor from the storm in my mind. But even the noise couldn't quiet the truth.

When I finally finished drying my hair, I sat in silence.

I heard the front door open at once.

My heart sprang, shocked by the fog I'd been walking in. I stood up quickly in bed, grabbing the robe tighter around me, trying to collect what remnants of composure I had.

There were footsteps that followed next before I heard a small voice call out. "Mommy?"

Tessa!

I leaped up.

By the time I reached the hallway, she was already running towards me, her little arms wide open, her curls bouncing, her eyes full of that kind of pure, naive happiness only a child could ever have, even when the world around them appeared to be falling apart.

I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around her, holding her so tightly that I knew I'd never let her go.

"Baby..." I panted, burying my face in her shoulder. I didn't even realize I was crying all over again until I felt the tears on my cheeks.

"I missed you, Mommy."

"I... missed you more," I stuttered.

She withdrew a little, just enough to look at me. "Are you okay now?"

I nodded, brushing hair off her face. "I am now."

In the doorway, Chloe stood behind her, arms crossed, her lips curving into a tender smile. She was exhausted but relieved. Perhaps even proud.

"Found her up on my way home from work," she said softly. "Thought you could use some accompaniment this evening."

I gulped and smiled thankfully at her. "You have no idea how absolutely right you were."

Chloe dropped her bag on the entry table before kicking off her heels. She had that careless ease that made her feel like home even when the rest of my world was a war zone. She crossed over and squeezed my shoulder.

"You've been through hell and back, Cece." She spoke softly but firmly. "And you still came out stronger. I knew you would."

"I don't feel strong," I whispered.

"You don't have to feel it to be it," she said.

I breathed a shuddering breath.

Tessa tugged on my hand. "Mommy, can we watch a movie tonight? Ouuu, and ice cream and cookies?"

"Okay, sweetie, that's a bit too much sweet. How about just cookies? I promise ice cream tomorrow."

"Okay, Mummy, which movie should we watch!?"

I looked down at her, and for one moment, all the madness in my mind, the memories of the courtroom, of Agatha's annoying smile, of Noah's touch, his lips, the kiss I couldn't lose-they all faded. None of it was greater than this child in front of me. This miracle child I fought tooth and nail for.

"Of course we can, baby." I kissed her forehead. "You decide."

She shrieked and ripped off towards the living room, already shouting out the names of animated movies from memory.

I looked back at Chloe.

"Thank you. Really."

She smiled at me, a small, knowing smile. "You needed her. And she needed you."

I nodded, but my heart was still in chaos.

I had Tessa; now she's all I need, she's all I care about, she's all that matters now.