Chapter 3 Ruby

It makes me cringe with embarrassment any time one of them makes suggestions about Jake and I . Don't get me wrong, he is a handsome guy, tall, muscly, I mean, he is a Beta at the end of the day and has some dreamy eyes, I have to say. But he is not my mate. I am not sure anyone would ever be the same as my mate. Nobody would ever live up to Seb.

I know they are teasing, and considering he and I are the only singletons in the group other than Luis, who chooses not to spend that much time with us, much preferring to spend time with ladies around the pack, it is easy to tease us, and often we end up having to chat to one another when the others are all with their mates. But I don't consider him more than a friend. I have not considered anyone more than a friend since Seb.

Seb was my mate, my fated mate. I lost him and the pain from that has never gone away. I am not sure it ever will. I can't ever imagine giving myself to someone else. I was his. Fated to him. Meant for him and nobody else. I loved him like nothing I can describe. It broke me when I felt the bond with him snap when those rogues killed him. I still chat to him, still keep his memories close. He will always be my mate. Leaving Crimson Night Pack had been hard as it meant leaving part of me behind. I was leaving behind my mate. He is buried there.

But leaving Crimson Night Pack was something we had to do, we had to give our family a chance for a fresh start. A new beginning, one with an Alpha that was fair and honest. That ruled the pack in a respectable and decent way. That meant leaving part of me behind, but he would remain in my heart. I could not let him go. So this persistent teasing they seem to find amusing irritated me. You are blessed with one fated mate. He has been mine and I would cherish the time we had together as short as it had been.

While they may see it as harmless fun, it hurts me when they tease me, or make suggestions about Jake and I, because it feels like they are disrespecting the memory of my mate, my Seb. And I hate that. I know they don't see it like that. They probably don't even mean the things they say, but they are still implying it. Yet I just sit and say nothing, not wanting to make a fuss over it, not wanting to seemingly over-react when they likely see it all as a bit of fun. They all have their mates, they don't know the loss of losing them.

Jake knows how I feel, because I apologised for my sister when she did it the first time. I explained about my mate on one of our nights gaming. He listened so kindly. Was so caring. So understanding. Yet could he truly understand when he has yet to meet his mate? Can you have a full understanding of the mate bond when you have yet to experience the bond yourself? But, bless him, he listened so carefully, and kindly, which I did appreciate.

He had been a good friend though. Had offered to help me if I needed anything. He said if there were things around the house that needed doing, he was happy to help. And he would often sit and chat. And our gaming evenings were better than sitting in the house on my own night after night like I had been doing. Pondering over my own thoughts. Because sometimes pondering over your own thoughts was the worst thing you could do.

"Here he is" Lola's voice interrupted my thoughts, passing me her youngest son, Xavier.

I take him from her. Loving hugs from the kids. I think he is adorable. Dario was the same. My cousin certainly makes handsome babies! Like his big brother before him, Xavier has a headful of dark curls, and big brown eyes. Another miniature Manuel? I wonder.

Though I do have to say my brother's son Luca is just as handsome. Though is any little one ugly? I think all babies and kids are cute. Maybe I am biased towards these ones, as they are family. And I certainly cannot wait for Willow to have her and Diego's newest pup, which could be any day now. Her belly looks full to bursting. They won't tell anyone what they are having though they know.

Sadly, Seb and I never got to have pups before he passed. Before the moon goddess decided his time on our earth was up. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing when I look back... Would I have wanted a child, to still have a part of Seb with me? Yet then that child would have had to have suffered the loss with me, and I don't think that would have been fair.

So it seems I will have to be content with being an auntie. And as I look down to my littlest nephew, or the littlest right now, as I highly doubt he will be the last, I know I am blessed, as he is beautiful. He yawns and stretches slightly.

I feel tears prickling slightly at the back of my eyes. Seb would have made a wonderful father too...