Chapter 7 Scared

"If you didn't like me, you could have just told me. You didn't have to avoid me like a flu."

Those were the bitter words Jeremy said when he found me hiding in the woods. Just those words and he walked away.

I was too ashamed to follow him. What could I say?

"I avoided you because actually like you too"?

That?

Wouldn't I sound like a psychopath if I said those words? A masochist even? Because basking in love and attraction would be bliss, and keeping yourself away from that bliss, willingly, had to be nothing but self torture! I was torturing myself willingly, and telling Jeremy so would give him the impression that I was raving mad. And I didn't want that.

Or, should I just tell him the truth about my resolve? The decision I made back when I was only six years old, at that wedding ceremony, watching my first love from afar and knowing I'll never be with him!

But, how would that even sound?

"Jeremy, I can't like you back until I am in highschool."

OK, I just stayed away from him.

My family finally noticed the rift.

Uloma, my elder sister asked first.

"I haven't been seeing Jeremy around here very often and you barely ever go out these days. What happened? Did you two fight or he finally realized how annoying you really are?" She asked me one afternoon while I sat in the front yard, gazing into the afternoon like a lost sheep.

"He doesn't have much time left, he's busy these days preparing for their return. They're leaving by the end of this month and there's lots of work to get done. So he's spending most of his time at home, preparing." I explained.

I knew Uloma did not believe my explanation. Even I did not believe my explanation. But she let me be.

"Okay." She said simply in a way that suggested; 'I know you're not telling me the truth, or at least, not the whole truth. But I'll let you be, for now. Just for now!'

On another occasion, my mum suggested that I go help Jeremy with his 'never ending' preparations.

"This preparation is taking forever, do they plan to take their home estate along? Are they folding their house into a bag?" She said. "Bia, Regina. Won't you go and help your friend? He has been preparing for over a week now, all you do is sit here." She complained. I did not answer her. I avoided the suggestion in days that followed.

I knew things were out of hand when my father had something to say about the continued absence of my friend.

"Come, Regina. What about this your friend that used to hang around here everyday? I know they have not left for abroad because I saw his father the other day. So, why hasn't he been coming around nor you going to visit them like you used to?" He asked.

"Papa, he has been very busy. He doesn't have my time." I told him.

Like the others, he too didn't believe me, but he let me be.

At this point, I knew I had to go see Jeremy.

I was standing in front of the big white mansion of the Madukas, unsure whether to go in or run off.

In previous weeks, I had been in that mansion more often than I could count. So often, it began to feel like I lived there too.

Now, I was standing at the big gate, feeling uneasy. Like an outcast or a prodigal on her first return after rebelling and several years of wandering about.

I had to talk to Jeremy, there was no questioning that. But I didn't know how to take the first step, literally.

"Regina?" I heard an elderly woman's voice call behind me. I turned to see Mrs Maduka, Jeremy's mother, hovering over me. Back when I used to frequent their home, I scarcely ever saw Mrs Maduka. In fact, I rarely ever saw Jeremy's parents. I only saw them on few occasions and the longest conversations we ever had didn't go beyond;

"Good evening sir! Good evening ma!"

And they'll say, "Good evening dear. How are you?"

And I'll say, "I'm fine."

And they'll say, "And your parents?"

And I'll say, "They're fine."

And they'll say, "You're here to see Jeremiah, right?"

And I'll say, "Yes Sir. Yes Ma."

And they'll say, "He's in his room." Or, "He's in the other living room." Or, "Check him at the backyard."

Aside from these occasions, they were barely ever home. They were always on some visitation or at some function or just anywhere that wasn't their own house. They weren't the village leaders, but they literally lived the life of an 'Igwe' and his 'Lolo'. Anyway, they were rich, like the richest in our community, so, that very well qualified them as royalties, even above the Village head.

Even when the Maduka couple were home, they spent time in their private living room or their bedrooms, so I never really had the privilege to sit down to a long discuss with them. I wasn't even sure they knew me well even though I visited ever so often.

But here Mrs Maduka was, smiling down at me in warm recognition. They knew me after all, I decided.

"Good evening ma!" I greeted abruptly.

"Evening my dear." She answered, placing a hand over my shoulder and squeezing it gently. "How are you?" She asked.

"I'm fine Ma." I replied.

"And your parents? How are your parents?" She asked.

"They're fine." I answered, preparing myself for the next usual question.

"You've been scarce these days, we rarely ever see you around here anymore." She said, shocking me. She noticed! I didn't expect her to notice, I never imagined she would. Like, she rarely ever even saw me when I came around.

"Uhm, yes." I said, unsure of what best to answer.

"Jeremy said you were preparing for school resumption. When are you resuming?" She said.

"Next two weeks." I said, reflecting on the fact that Jeremy too was lying to his parents.

"OK. Come in and keep me company. Jeremy isn't around, he went out with his father. That's all he does these days. But they'll be back soon. Come in, let's talk until they get back."