Chapter 4 Emotional

SADE

I was so glad Toyin was going to follow me home that day, I cooked white rice and stew, bringing it for her in a food flask. When I got into the hospital and told the nurse at the reception counter I was there to see Toyin in room 144 upstairs, her face suddenly changed. I knew something was wrong. She immediately called another nurse who happened to be passing by.

"Sorry, Madam Anu she's asking of Toyin, our patient in room 144." She said.

Madam Anu looked up, she was trying to think. "Oh oh oh." She looked at me. "Follow me madam."

I followed her from behind, wondering if there was any problem. We were in front of a door then she knocked twice and a voice came from within.

"Come in!"

"You can go in madam." Madam Anu said, opened the door for me to go in and jammed it, leaving me with a woman seated in a chair, who I knew was a doctor.

"Have a seat, Sade." She said stretching her hand to the chair facing her and withdrew her hand quickly.

"Thank you ma." I said then dragged out the chair to sit and drew it forward.

She took a deep breath in then out. She didn't look like she had anything good to tell me.

"What I'm about to say to you, please," She stretched her arms and reached for mine, "promise to be strong." She tried to smile.

My heart was already beating like it was going to burst. "Wha-what's that ma?"

"Sade, your friend passed away yesterday in her sleep."

What? How come? I just saw Toyin yesterday, she was supposed to follow me home. She was supposed to come home today. Thoughts flowed through my mind. Last thing I remember is that I had a panic attack in her office then collapsed to the floor.

*

Toyin never told me she too was going to leave me, I wish I had known, maybe I wouldn't have stayed, maybe I would have also ran away, I ever wanted was someone who'd stay with me, who'd grow with me, who'd love me, forever.

*

I woke up on the hospital bed, facing the white wall. There was an empty patient bed next to me; I was the only one in the room. I was wondering what I was doing there all at first but then I remembered and I started to cry.

"Miss Sade, right?" A nurse asked. I didn't even noticed when she entered the room.

"Yes ma." I replied. The nurse was quite old, maybe forty something years.

"You had a panic attack after-you were told about your friend." She said.

I sat up. "I know. Thank you ma."

"The doctor would come see you soon, Sade." She said then walked out.

My friend of course, that's why I'm here. I'm here because of her. Toyin my friend had died. I was told she died the other night in her sleep. I felt a sudden tummy upset, I wanted to throw up. It took only a few seconds before the doctor walked in.

"Hello Sade, how are you feeling?" She said holding my shoulder.

"No," I said then breathe in deeply then out, "no ma. I-I need to get out of the hospital. Thank you for everything ma."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

I didn't know what to say, so, so I just walked out. Nothing hurt more than those words.

Weeks after, the day to bury Toyin had come. I was the only family she had as far as then was concerned, so I was the only one in the cemetery for her burial. I stood there as they dropped her coffin six feet with the hope that she'll wake up or I'll hear banging from within the coffin and yelling screaming to us that she was still alive. But she never did. I still stood there as the undertakers poured sand on her coffin to bury it.

"Wait, please wait," I said as I sobbed, "I think I heard something." They did wait as I told them but I knew it wasn't because they thought I heard something but because they knew it was hard to let someone you loved go. They respected that.

"Madam, nothing dey o, we no hear any tin." One of them said and they all continued. By the time they had finished I was left alone in front of her grave, her new home. All the tears in my eyes I was holding poured out; I knelt down in front of her grave crying out and lamenting.

"Why-why," I said as I cried, "Toyin! O ti fi mi si le o. You have left me alone in this wicked world. All alone."

I can't remember how long I stayed there but the guard's had to tell me they were closing the cemetery and it was time I left.

Day after another, I returned to the cemetery with flowers for her. "You know ore mi." I took a deep breath in then out, "you deserve more than flowers. You deserve, you deserve the whole world. You were so nice, you never did anyone wrong, you were always willing to help even when you weren't in the right position. I love you and I would never forget you, I swear." After speaking to myself in front of her grave I like this every day I visited, my heart did not still come to terms with what had happened.

Her clothes, her shoes, her bags, her wigs, they were all still in the room; the room still even smelt very much like she was in it. I started to become depressed with every new day that comes. Truth is I always thought she and I would be together forever and besides, wasn't she feeling better, why did she have to die? I guess I would never know till I myself died and asked her this question.

Again I was at her grave but I promised myself that that was the last time she'd see me weak.

I took a deep breath in, then out. "Toyin, Toyin-tomato," I laughed when I mentioned her nickname; Toyin-tomato "I know if you see me this way you'd be sad. You'd do everything just so I can smile again." I took a break from my speech just listening to the wind blow for a while then I continued, "I can't remain this way, you are right. I have my own life to leave and you'd want me to live it to the fullest."

I wiped the drop of tear that ran down my cheek. "And I promise you I will. As from today, I'll become a happy person, keep working hard and always pay you a visit from time to time. I love you, my friend," I squatted, kissed my palm and used it to touch her grave stone. "I'll see you in the world after this." I smiled and stood up about, turned around and started walking toward the exit game but then I noticed the flower I got for her was still in my hand. Oh yeah her flower I thought. I hadn't gone far away from her grave so it was a short walk back. I looked at grave stone, and then I dropped the flower.

*

My dad used to work in a private company, I didn't even know what he did exactly but I know he used to travel a lot and he was never really home. But when he was he'd make sure his wife and kids felt the impact, he was a loving, caring, and amazing dad as far I know.

"Sade, omo mi." My dad carried me and placed me on his lap. "Why are you crying?" He asked.

"Daddy, mummy said you're travelling to Abuja today." Seven years old I said with tears in my eyes.

"Don't worry my dear, when I'm coming I'll buy a doll baby for you hmm?" He tickled me a little, making me laugh. "What's the name of all those things you play with, is it Barbie?" He asked.

"Yes daddy, Barbie and plenty sweet and chocolate too." I responded.

He laughed. "Okay my dear, you and sweet look at your teeth." My dad said then started tickling again.

Unlike my mom, my dad was really calm. He didn't show his anger towards us any time he wasn't in a good mood. But my mom, she easily got frustrated. I used to think she didn't love us, even my dad.

On the day my dad returned from Abuja, he and my mum argued for hours in their room. I didn't know the reason, and Toju told me it was nothing. After some time, he came out of the room, to the sitting room where Toju and I were watching TV.

"Daddy, where are you going?" Toju asked.

He stopped in his step and turned back to face us. He smiled. "I just need some air; take care of your sister okay." He continued his way to the door.

It was eight in the night and my dad hadn't still returned since he walked out. It made my brother worried so he came to my room and asked me to follow him outside to look for our. I refused at first because I had never been out that late and not being my dad's car.

"Sade, we have to. Dad never takes this long outside." He said. And he was right, he never did, any time he was home he didn't step out for more than thirty seconds and it's always to get snacks for us from the mallam opposite our house. When Toju and I got to the junction that'll lead into the main road we saw a lot of people gathered, and they were shouting and some women were crying.

"Sade let's check what's happening there." Toju said pointing to the gathering.

I shrugged then I said no. But he dragged me all the way still. When we got close enough, we saw our dad all covered in his own blood. They said there was a robbery in the area and that he got shot accidentally by the police. In front of me I saw my dad's lifeless body.

I can remember accurately, maybe a month later my mom got married to Adekunle Ajumobi. He was my new dad, my step dad. My mom loved him so much; she gave all of her attention to the child molester forgetting her children, especially me. She didn't even care about what people would say. It was if she was waiting for such an opportunity. Sometimes as I was growing I wondered if she always had him, maybe that was why my dad and she disagreed a lot.

Then there was Toju, my elder brother. He was courageous, smart and loving. With him around I had every assurance that things would be fine but again death took him away from me.

And now Toyin's gone.

*

I woke up one day feeling venomous and vengeful. I thought maybe if I couldn't help my dad nor my brother, I could help Toyin rest in peace. She didn't deserve what she got out of life. She was going to stop what she was doing. Why didn't God give her a chance for a new life? I felt disgusted at life. Then the thought of what Chief did to Toyin came to my mind. I thought deeply of how he humiliated my friend and now she was gone. I decided I wouldn't let that go unpunished. One way or the other I thought I had to find out who this chief was and punish him.