Chapter 2 Zeyneps

"Why do you like thunderstorms?"

"Because it shows that even nature needs to scream sometimes"

by EB

Zeynep Pov

They say everything happens for a reason.

I don't know who "they"are but I know it is said that:there is a reason for everything, good or bad.

Three years ago, I might have disagreed but as I crouched down looking at myself in the puddle.

I couldn't help but understand the saying.

When ummi died I was completely and utterly devastated, I was scared and I thought that I wouldn't be able to live life without her.

Guess what I was right.

That's when I started my uncontrollably suicide attempts but Allah didn't want me.

But then I remembered the verse mama always read to me.

Allah didn't abandon me,nor did he forget me (93:03 Quran)

But it was all a lie,he too abandoned me.

He left me when all I have ever done was to be devoted to him, I never strayed even when I had reasons to.

I recited my shahadah everyday to keep my faith strong.

I recited the subhan allah wa bihamdihi 100 times a day so that my sins will be forgiven both the ones I know and know not about.

I never removed my hijab, I always kept my hair covered.

But he still forsaken me. Am I that dirty?

Mama I thought you said you will always look after me?

Mama do see what papa is doing to me?

Mama, he beats me everyday.

He turned me to a maid

He stopped me from going to school.

Mama he is going to kill me soon.

Mama, Farhan and Ridwan just watch him while he does it.

Mama, are you in jannah?

I miss you.

I curled out in the corner; every inch of my body was my pain.

I could tell my arm was broken and I had a few bruised ribs.

The beaten has gotten more worst since mama died

He started to inch closer and closer to me; his eyes burning with anger,I had no idea what I had done this time but then again I usually never did anything wrong.

"Papa please am sorry" I begged as he inched closer.

He lifted her hand and the next thing I knew I was doubled over with a burning pain in my left cheek.

I couldn't help the tears that had started to fall down my face.

I curled up into a ball as my sobs got louder, usually I would keep myself from crying until I was in the safety of my bedroom but this time I couldn't help it.

"Help....me ...mama" I whimpered

Leaning down he grabbed my shoulder "stop bawling" he said throwing me against the wall with a loud thud.

"Your mama is gone you stupid child"papa shouted, spitting on me before he left

I laid down because I couldn't stand up. I think my ribs were broken this time around making it harder for me to stand up so I cried there until I fell asleep on the ground.

"Zeynep, where is my food?" I froze but and immediately tried to stand despite the the pain in my ribs which had gotten worse than usual.

He is not supposed to be home by now.

I have not prepared anything.

He is going to beat me again.

I struggled to stand up to greet him before he got angry again.

He was already seated on the dinner table waiting for his food.

"Welcome home papa" I said, looking down because papa said he doesn't like seeing my face.

"Where is my food?" He said already getting irritated.

"I- It is not yet read I was abo-" beforehand I could complete that statement I felt a sting on my cheeks.

"You can't do anything huh?, you were doing what?" He said as he threw continuous slaps at me.

I couldn't speak not because I was in pain but if I spoke back it would make my situation worse and I didn't want that, I still have not recovered from the last one.

" Oh you can't speak now you whore" he said, spitting in my face and he punched me in the guts making me fall to the ground.

"You will sleep in the basement today" my eyes widened at that and I started shouting, I prefer his beating than me sleeping there.

"No papa, papa please, I will prepare your food now, papa please, " I screamed and with that he stopped dragging me by my hair and dumped me on the ground.

"Stupid child just like your mother, go and prepare my food for me" he said with his tone laced with malice.

I tried to get up but fell back to the ground because of the pain in my ribs. I tried to get back up and fell again.

I felt someone drag me by hair making my headache worse "since you can't get up let me help you" he said dragging me to the kitchen on the hard floor making me cry more.

"Hurry up and serve my food or you will sleep in that basement Tonight"

"Y-yes sir"

He left the kitchen and I watched him as he left and saw my brothers just looking at me with pity but when they saw me staring at them they left.

Papa is a police officer here in Mumbai.

He protects everyone but I guess his job description does not apply to me or mama.

He said he never wanted a girl child. That a girl child was a disgrace.

He said am not his child that mama took in for another man .

Because he said he can not produce a girl because his father only had boys, his father's father had boys that I can't be this child.

What made matters worse is that I don't even look like him.

I don't have the regular black hair and eyes that all Mumbai girls have.

I have brown curly hair and two different colors of eyes (heterochromia) which is different from what Indian girls are usually described as.

This difference has always made me the target of bullies. Even my brothers that I thought would protect me were part of the people that mocked me the most.

Being different isn't always a good thing. I know that now.