Chapter 3 c3

The flashlight was still in my grasp when I woke up with my face pressed against the tarp's floor. The dried blood that had flowed down the side of my head from my temple was still there. I heard some giggling coming from the school.

Avery's shock at my mumbled "shit" was palpable.

Saying, "That's a bad word Alex!" He screamed at me in anger. When I realized that I didn't have to worry about getting in trouble with my parents for saying such things, I couldn't help but laugh.

Forget it! As Avery almost passed out from horror, I grinned smugly and said, "Moms not here anymore."

Avery mumbled something like "shit" and then put his hands over his mouth. As I saw his panic unfold, I couldn't contain my mirth.

I can't bring myself to say such things to you, Alex. Avery's face was set in a permanent look of unease as he responded. Laughing, I climbed out from under the sheet.

As he looked around the tarp, I pushed, "Come on Avery."

As in, "May I bring one?" He smiled maliciously and made a reference to the comics as he asked.

I responded, "Yes, now come on" as I yanked him up from the base.

There wasn't much I could do about the fact that my brother and I both looked a bit rough, but we were. We had no clean clothing to change into, and I had nothing with which to wash ourselves. When we walked onto the playground packed with kids, it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It was obvious we weren't welcome, yet we were still there.

I let myself inside the school and took Avery's hand as we made our way down the corridor. I was worried since I had no idea what was going to happen to us. I gulped as I opened the classroom door and saw Avery and the rest of my students gazing at us. Everyone around us glanced at us in disbelief.

To paraphrase, "Alex, you're back" A few people clapped, but Ms. Jane and the rest of the audience were stunned. She came out into the corridor to meet us, but she kept the classroom door closed.

As in, "Alex, what happened to your head?" She let out an almost repulsed gasp.

We've been starved since my mom hasn't been home in days, and I've been stuck at home because I had to take care of Avery instead of going to school. I sobbed uncontrollably and rambled, "I'm tired and I just want to sleep." My stress levels finally reached an all-time high.

Inquiring minds want to know, "What about your dad?" 'Why?' she inquired with genuine interest.

I shouted at her, "I don't have a fucking dad," and then I distanced myself from her. Avery's jaw dropped open before he started laughing.

He smiled and remarked, "Alex, you said a bad word to an adult," which made me laugh in spite of my tears.

Ms. Jane spoke quietly, "Come on boys, come with me" as she led us down the corridor.

He added with a guffaw, "I can't believe you said that Alex."

"I don't know where it came from," I chuckled, relieved to have let out some of the pent-up frustration with my mother.

Ms. Jane had a lengthy conversation with the headmaster.

I leaned an ear up to the door to listen in.

Mr. Reid, the principal at the time, said, "If the boys' mother is no longer around, then they will be put into foster care, it's the only way."

I just need one night alone with the boys before we have to involve social services. We have no idea whether they will be separated. To no avail, she begged him. With my pulse pounding, I took a few steps back from the entrance. We both needed one other, and being apart from Avery was something I really wanted to avoid.

"Alex, are you feeling okay?" Avery saw my astonished appearance and enquired curiously.

Nodding my head, "Yeah, it'll be okay," I told myself that it would be.

That's a given; mum will be back soon. He grinned naively as he swung his legs beneath the seat, which was too low for him to touch the floor. I wish I could say that I believed you, but deep down I always knew what was in store for us.

The door swung wide and there was Ms. Jane.

While we look for your mom, I'm taking Alex and Avery home with me today. Though we'll need to stop by your place to pick up some fresh threads beforehand. She beamed as if it were excellent news. Nothing more than a "okay" came out of my mouth. I wanted the best for Avery regardless of whether she ended up living with me or not. I wished for a home for him where his parents would take care of him. instead of a helpless older sibling.

Alex, come with me, and Avery, you wait there," Ms. Jane said with furrowed eyebrows. Avery dutifully nodded as I turned the bend of the corridor with Ms. Jane and we continued our conversation.

After she cleaned the blood from my temple, she set me down on a counter. She applied a bandage to the injured side of my head in the vain hope that it would speed up the healing process.

"Alex, you're not an idiot; you know exactly what's going to happen to you and Avery. Have you thought that through? She stepped back to gauge my reaction before asking. I didn't say anything; I just nodded. I wasn't naive, but I also wasn't selfless. My brother Avery was a softie and a baby, but if he'll be happier with new parents, I'm OK with it.

She nodded and picked me up off the counter without saying another word. I walked back and Ms. Jane drove us away. She had another instructor observe us for a while.

*****

Looking around my room, I told Avery, "Grab everything you own; we're leaving.

"Why?" We were ready to be put in foster care, but he inquired in confusion. Our bedroom door is now closed.

As I straightened his hair, I told him, "We don't have a mom or a dad and we can't live by ourselves."

The question, "Why can't you take care of me?" His eyes welled up with tears as he asked.

I rubbed his head and reassured him, "I'm still a kid too, they would never allow it."

Inquiring minds want to know, "But what about mom?" The sight of her picture on our wall brought him to tears.

"Avery, she abandoned us; you knew your mother was never healthy," I said, my voice tinged with sadness.

Saying, "How about we leave her a message?" Before I saw the sadness lift from Avery's face, I stated it cheerfully.

He wiped away his tears and nodded, "Okay."

We love you, Mom, but we have to go. Ms. Jane is taking care of us temporarily until we go into foster care. You will be missed. Two people named Avery and Alex.

If you're asking, "Do you feel better now?" When I asked Avery, all I got was a nod. I could clearly make out Avery's stomach rumbling.

Food, I said aloud to myself.

Before leaving the room, I retrieved my piggy bank and a picture of Avery and me.

"Ms. Jane, may we make a quick stop at McDonald's so I can get Avery a happy meal?" With my piggy bank in hand, I requested.

As in, "What about you, Alex?" With my piggy bank in her hand, she asked me.

I comforted her, "Oh, I'm not hungry, it's okay," as I looked at my brother, who was beaming. Obviously, I was being dishonest. I was so hungry I thought I would die, but I didn't have enough money in my piggy bank to feed us both.

"All right, guys, let's go" With a soft grin on her lips, she nodded. I saw her anxiously glancing back into the kitchen.

Don't be afraid of the needles, okay? "They're my mom's medicine," I said proudly as we walked out of the apartment. Her face suddenly took on a melancholy expression. I can't figure out why her reaction was so negative.

I always had an inkling that these were drugs, but I played dumb whenever I was in Avery's or an adult's presence. I didn't understand why they were awful, but I saw what they did to my mom and I understood. They caused her to become weak and ill. Neither she nor I ever enjoyed seeing her perform. She wasn't a terrible mother, but she also wasn't great.

I had my first experience with anxiety while we were eating McDonald's in a parking lot. The future of Avery and I was a complete unknown to me. I was worried about losing him, but I wasn't going to allow things to go that far. After days without eating, I quickly devoured the food Ms. Jane insisted on purchasing for me. Before taking us back to her place, she stopped to get ice cream.

"Here, Alex, hold your blanket, and Avery, hold yours" She wrapped me in the thick blanket and gave me instructions. We went downstairs, where she had already prepared the sofas for Avery and me to sleep on. I loved that my sofa faced Avery's.

The light was switched off by Ms. Jane.

She wished the lads goodnight and climbed the stairs.

Only my head was visible from beneath the covers as I slept off. Before Avery realized it was dark, he was smiling as he relaxed on his sofa.

Avery called out Alex in a low voice. I chose to remain silent.

This time his murmur of "Alex" was stronger than the last, drawing my attention and pulling me out of my thoughts.

From the comfort of my sofa, I said "yes" and gave him a silent glance.

He murmured, "I'm scared," as he cautiously looked around the room. I can't say for certain what prompted his extreme aversion to darkness, but he clearly had a problem with it.

I groaned and pulled back the covers to let him in. He raced over and hopped in behind me, grinning.

Alex, I think we'll be OK. He inquired as he pulled the covers up to his chin. I could not have lied to him.

I nodded reassuringly and said, "Yeah, you'll be alright."