Chapter 1 BACKTRACK

I can't believe I came back" I whispered to myself. The evening breeze of Beijing hit my face as stood by the cafe window peeking at Clay Wuyan who was seated in the corner.

When I arrived in Beijing this afternoon, I never expected to see him here. This was our special cafe, and the memories had pushed me to come over and have a meal. To my surprise, the object of my affection and desires was here already. Engrossed in his cell phone he with an adorable look that I had never seen.

What the fuck should I do?" I whispered as I ran my hands through my hair. For the past three years, I had lived my life as a cold-blooded ruthless Mafia but here I was hesitating.

I huffed, threw caution to the wind, and walked into the cafe. He immediately lifted his head and his eyes widened when they landed on me. He stood up and his eyes sparkled with a glint of happiness. I felt my heartbeat race as my body vibrated. Clay Wuyan opened his mouth, but no words came out.

My mind raced as the words in my brain echoed.

Every day, Yearning asks me,

That sense of warmth Which I forgot Years ago,

O wandering soul Make me yours Just for once,

ust for once Make me your own.

These words, embedded deep in my heart rang out so loud that I gasped for breath. I thought this was going to be easy but being here, my heart ached all over again. I turned around and walked out of the cafe. I knew that there was no place in the world that I could run to since my heart belonged to Clay Wuyan.

Four years ago, I escaped knowing well that I was being a coward. Clay Wuyan had the power to make his soul feel alive and every cell of his body burn. My feet slowed down when I reached a silent ally. Out of breath, I stopped and leaned back on the wall gazing at the wide sky above.

"If the Mafia knew that I could run away from someone" I muttered in a huff. I knew that by running away again, it was inevitable to create a deeper misunderstanding between us.

My body calmed down as I gazed at the Beijing night sky. I had missed this view and had immediately rushed back to Beijing to protect Clay Wuyan. Hiding behind this reason, I knew that my heart had other plans. Clay Wuyan was my everything. I closed my eyes and visions of him came rushing back.

Him. His visions, his memories, his smile.

Lost in thought the numbness in my right leg made me snapped me out of it. Sighing to myself, I turned to leave and found Clay Wuyan standing in distance watching me. All the calmness and strength I had gathered vanished. I was surprised that he had followed me. Time seemed to stand still as I watched the angry expression on Clay Wuyan"s face. Ignoring his defiant stance, I walked over and stood in front of him.

I was about to speak when he asked, "You are back?" The slight crook in his voice sounded like he had struggled to speak.

"Yes," I responded. "I arrived this afternoon."

Clay Wuyan nodded. He then turned around and stated coldly, "The alleys are too cold and not safe at this time of the night. Let's go home".

I followed him in silence as we walked back to the cafe. I knew that Clay Wuyan would not forgive me easily but that did not matter. For now. The important thing was to protect him from the Mafia.

"Where did you park your car? "Clay Wuyan asked interrupting my thoughts.

"At the basement of the building. "I responded quietly.

"Okay then, let's meet at the condo, my car is parked near the cafe too. "Clay Wuyan stated. He walked into the Cafe, while I was left standing at the entrance. I knew that things between us would get difficult, but I was ready to face them. The big question would be, was Clay Wuyan ready to listen?

Speeding through the highway, I admired how the city had changed. I called my head of security and commanded "Keep your distance for now. Find a hotel near the condo and keep a low profile. I don't want to spook him."

Half an hour later I arrived at the condo and found Clay Wuyan parking his red convertible. Since when had his taste changed to this flashy car? I got out of the car, and I knew he could tell by the way I stared at the car I had questions.

"I bought it six months ago, at first it was a whim, but now I love it" He laughed. His laughter was a surprise and it vibrated through my body like an electric current.

"Did someone recommend it to you?" I asked.

"Yes," Clay Wuyan nodded but did not go deeper into the details. The action made me angry and sad at the same time. I had no rights to clay but I wanted everything he had to be connected to me. Yes. I was selfish and possessive.

Going up the elevator we arrived at the condo. Upon entering, Clay Wuyan switched on the lights and walked straight to the open kitchen space. I stood numbly in the living room paying attention to every single action that Clay Wuyan did. I craved the look on his face, but it required courage. A few minutes later, Clay Wuyan walked out back to the room.

His beautiful face shone in the bright light, his dimples gracing his beauty, his hair laying care-freely on his cheeks, the mole on his lips, his bright smile increasing the beauty of his surroundings. Clay Wuyan was simply, breathtaking.

He had always been able to heal my heart. Since childhood when first laid my eyes on him after coming back from the military, he was running in the wet corridor, jumping and laughing, the whole air danced when he smiled. His voice had a charm, and his suppressed laughter always made me feel happy. That beautiful moment was my downfall and my future.

Standing in front of him, full of remorse knowing that I couldn't hear it anymore since I had shattered both of us.

"I believe my room is still the same," I asked.

Clay Wuyan nodded. "Yes. The cleaning lady comes once a week. It"s as clean as you left it."

"You updated the condo. The seats a new right?" I was making conversation.

He nodded, "I am going to bed now. There is a sandwich in the fridge if you are hungry" He left me standing and walked into his room. Had he just dismissed me? I expected nothing less after being away for four years. I deserved this kind of treatment for being a bastard.