Choke Me, Please

When I was fourteen, I started writing poems and I wrote them in a note book, I filled it up and bought a new note book.

I am surprised that I start making a dialogue scenes and then I discovered that I can write stories, my first genre is mystery and romance.

It used to take me two hours, forgetting to eat until Mama got mad at me. They saw the poems I was making. I was scolded, saying that the notebook I was writing on could still be used next year.

My face was hard, I didn't listen and I continued. My aunt who was abroad gave me a phone and that's when I started writing on the reading platform.

My parents are mad, why was it given to me when Drew is the one who deserves to be given a phone instead of me.

Mama burned all of my notebooks where my writings and poems were, I cried a lot that night. I thought that was the end of my crying, but they do the worst. The phone was taken back that they didn't give it to.

I tried to resist, but they did everything that would make it difficult and hurt me, they broke the phone where I was writing. So that there is no more benefit because there is no point in what I am doing.

At that time, I felt like my wings had been clipped. Honestly, I don't care about the fame. I just want to write everything. All the pain and resentment I have in life can be released by writing.

I am a good daughter. Even though they made me feel different and worthless, I never thought of ruining my life and being a pervert in their lives.

They make me feel that they don't want me at all, it hurts. But I can't do anything, I'm here and they are my family. I was patient, no matter what I did hidden in my savings, they took it.

Until I reached sixteen. I worked as a vendor at the market whenever I didn't have school, because my parents rarely gave me money and they were starting to give Drew luxuries.

Even if they embarrass me in front of our relatives and compare me to my brother, I let it go, maybe when I prove something, all of this will change.

I saved for six months, finally Mom and Dad gave me a phone, because Drew said he wasn't interested in it.

I was so happy, I felt like they were changing the way they treated me, but when I was comfortable, they took it back without a second thought.

Drew suddenly wanted the phone and needed it. I even gave Mom and Dad what I had saved from my work and I quit selling at the market.

At that time, I felt singled out and used. They know that I have saved, what I saved they bought expensive clothes and shoes for Drew, and tangina. I didn't have a penny left.

Ever since that day, I was impressed that I would never give more to them and that I would put myself first now. I applied to be a service crew at a fast food chain and was accepted, I even borrowed money from my aunt and it was good that I was entertained.

I was frugal, I didn't listen to what they were saying and what they were saying. I saved up and bought my writing needs.

Mama preaches to me every day and tells me that I am a bad person and that I owe a lot to them as my parents. And I should just help them with family obligations, that's funny.

It comes from them that I should help them because they are my family, but they never treat me in the way that a family used to do. If they think that I don't have a heart and before they tell me to be a bitch, I hope they think about the days, times and opportunities that they deprived me of, even small and simple things that I can't enjoy.

Even if it swallows me, I owe it to my heart. It's like you want to be part of this kind of family.

Every day, they made my life hell. I could hardly eat because I was being treated. They win, as always. I gave what I worked hard for the third time. And even a simple thank you, I received nothing from them.

And this is me now, on the phone that will break depending on what I will pay next. I didn't tell my parents that I was going to get paid by writing now. Because when I say, there will be nothing left for me.

"Adelrina, do some ironing. You're such a lazy girl!" Mama shouted and kicked the door of my room now. A sprained shoulder left my draft for today.

From morning to night it's like this. I am like a helper to my own family. While I can't be supported even if you can do it simply, son, I didn't listen to my mother.

"Yes, this is it." I stood up and saved my draft. The internet died again so I immediately left the room and looked at the modem downstairs.

"I changed the Wifi password, because someone is connecting and won't pay." Drew turned his back on me and went up to his room. I caught my breath and closed my eyes tightly, my fist turned into a ball. My anger is the reason why I am having trouble breathing now.

They will say we are family, but they don't treat me as family?

"Adelrina, hurry up and iron. You'll eat later, do that first and what time is it?" Mama put down my brother's ten uniforms and ten skirts for him to go to school.

"It's my uniform Ma, why isn't it there?" I asked and she didn't bother to look in my direction.

"You take it outside, it has been raining for a while." It went all the way up and left me alone at the bottom.

My uniform is wet, I have nothing to wear for tomorrow. Why am I so unlucky with them? I didn't do anything wrong to make them angry with me.

Sometimes, the cycle of the world is not fair, it's tiring to meet the opposite current. It's hard to resist, especially if they themselves don't want to punish me.